When a loved one passes away and it’s up to the immediate family to plan services, there are a number of things that need to be done for the memorial or celebration of life service.
A memorial, or celebration of life service, usually does not have a body present and it may be held any time after the passing, usually within the year. The cremains can be present in an urn if the family desires.
Either service can incorporate the elements listed below. Get organized with an outline of the steps that will produce a memorable service.
Reserve a Location For the Memorial Service
First of all, find and reserve a location and arrange for officiates for the desired date. If the family member was religious, the church, temple or synagogue is the natural choice. If the person was elderly and lived on a senior-type campus, there is often a chapel available on-site, making it easy for friends to come to the service. Other rental spaces, such as a community center, can be used.
Arrange to have tables for the display of a guest book, flowers, photos and other mementos. Check on the use of sound and DVR or CD equipment.
Arrange for Officiates For the Service
Talk to the people who will deliver a message or speech to make sure they are available. If more than one clergy, chaplain or Rabbi will participate, divide the duties accordingly. One can be in charge of welcoming guests, giving an opening and closing prayer and reading a scripture, while the other can deliver the main message or speech. If possible, meet with the officiates to go over the service and let the family’s wishes be known.
Give the officiate an honorarium of cash in an envelope after the service. Normal honorariums for clergy range from $50 to $100 depending on the area.
Decide on the Order of the Service
An order of service can include the following:
- Welcome and Opening Prayer
- Solo (Person’s favorite song)
- Eulogy: Family member(s)
- Readings: Family members read favorite quotes, scriptures or sayings
- Congregation memorials: Guests share their memories
- Music: Either instrumental, congregational singing or solo
- Message by clergy
- Music: Either instrumental, congregational singing or solo
- Closing prayer or thoughts
New Trends in Memorial Services
One memorial service trend that's gaining in popularity involves asking guests to share their memories of the person during the service. Family members can allow attendees — usually not a family member — to take a microphone and ask guests to raise their hand if they would like to share a short memory. Make sure the person handling the mic can be authoritative if necessary to tactfully thank a person and proceed to the next guest, if a person rambles on.
The second is to allow a number of family members to write eulogies, share readings, thoughts, prayers or remembrances. If the person was elderly and has many grandchildren, ask the grandchildren to write a short memory of their beloved grandparent and have them read at the service, by the two or three oldest grandchildren.
Hold a Reception After the Memorial Service
The reception does not need to be elaborate. Cookies, coffee and punch are fine. Make sure there are tables and chairs for the elderly to sit. Assign a good friend who is not part of the service, to set up the food while the service is still going on. If the family wishes a more elaborate reception, a caterer can be engaged, or a reception can be held at a local restaurant.
In some communities, the guests themselves provide a potluck to be shared after the service.
Print a Program or Brochure
With the availability of online software or publishing programs, family members can print a brochure. They can also work with the mortuary to use their services for a printed program. The program should emphasize the positive achievements of the person. It can also be referred to later when a person is working through grief.
Celebrating a Life With a Memorial Service
Remember to focus on celebrating the loved one’s life in all that is done, including the eulogy and other speeches. According to eulogyspeech.net, a eulogy is a "laudatory speech or written tribute, especially one praising someone who has passed away."
Take time to think about the loved one’s family, jobs, hobbies, religious, social or service organizations they belonged to and intellectual pursuits. Make lists using the previous categories and start by jotting notes about how the person will be remembered in these fields.
When the family has time for advance preparation for a memorial, the event can flow smoothly. The necessary components, including eulogies, songs, remembrances, readings and a reception can effectively celebrate the life of the person who has passed.
Nellene Teubner Plouffe - My passion for writing was kindled in third grade when I entered – and won – an essay contest sponsored by the local fire ...
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